Balance is overrated.

Work time. Romantic couple time. Kid time. Family time. Cleaning time. Friend time. Exercise time. Alone time. 

These are the allotted areas of time we are supposed to somehow fit into a twenty four hour block. Everyday. 

Oh and sleep. Let’s not forget in order to function and fill all these areas, you have to sleep. 

It’s such an old cliché of every working mother on earth. When you are at work you feel bad you're not with your children. When you're with the kids your mind wanders back to work. 

As a woman I feel like my life is an amusement park of standards and I’m constantly just trying to measure up. 

When did you last have a romantic moment with your partner, have you lost your spark? 

Why are you wearing nothing other than trackie's with no makeup, have you completely let yourself go? When was the last time you checked in with your friends? 

When did you last clean the shower? 

Have you had that all important alone time to meditate and quiet your mind today? 

Why is every waking hour for women seen as just an opportunity to tick a box? 

It's an exhausting and pointless cycle but we repeat it time and time again. 

We are set up to fail, time and time again. 

Work life balance is a term thrown around often. It’s always strange to me that it's worded like that. As if you have work and then you have life. You don’t. You have life and work may happen to be part of that.

When Tegan and I started the cake business a few years ago it was a big adjustment. Mainly on my children. I was so excited to find something that I was passionate about but unfortunately my children were less enthused. Probably because they sensed competition. Suddenly something else was taking up their precious time with mum. 

Kids have no concept that the world doesn’t simply revolve around them. To be honest my main job up until that point was catering to their every need and want, so why would they think any differently?! 

I believe there are two universal emotions that link mothers around the world. Love and GUILT. 

Children seem to innately know what guilt buttons to push. 

 “You’re always working” 

“You never spend time with us.” 

“ Why don’t you care.”

Just some of the phrases uttered to me, usually accompanied with a door slam or a foot stomp. 

None of this of course is really true. I’m lucky enough to work from home and therefore I’m around ALOT. My weekends are mostly free and having a flexible job and more support than most, means I’m more present with them now than I was before. I actually appreciate the time I have with them knowing it’s not all day, every day.

I want them to see me fulfilled. It’s important that children can see you occasionally as a separate person, other than mum.

Being a mum is an incredible privilege and a joy. But it’s important to remember-

You are YOU. With many different versions. Versions that existed before your children did. 

Even when you are covered in spew, picking up washing with your boobs leaking, under it all- you still exist as your own person. 

So whilst I haven’t given up on trying to maintain some form of structure in my life I am trying to give up on the guilt that comes from failing. 

I don’t believe you can have it all. Not at one time. Not at the ridiculously high standards society sets. 

You cannot have the perfectly clean house. The time to play with each of your kids individually. Romantic date nights with your partner. Working late hours and breaking through new boundaries creatively. Home cooked nutritious meals. Daily exercise and mediation. Relaxed family time all together. Wine time with friends. Early nights and restful sleep. All perfectly balanced. 

What on earth are we teaching our kids?? 

To race around like maniacs and tick off an endless to do list. Set to work at a task while thinking constantly of the next one. And the next one. The do list in essences is a treadmill. There will never be enough hours in the day. 

It’s not realistic and it is exhausting. So I’m done with balance.

I simply look around at all the spinning plates and see which ones are starting to wobble and focus on those. If I drop some which I inevitably will, then that’s ok, I’ll pick up the pieces. There is no need to attach shame to those broken parts. 

Some weeks my house is a dump. 

Sometimes my work hours are slack. 

Some days I cannot remember the last time I was alone with my husband.

Other days I cannot recall when my children have last had a bath or eaten broccoli.

We need to stop trying to achieve it all. 

If my mind wanders to work when I’m reading a bedtime story, then that's ok. If I’m at work missing my kids, that’s ok too.

I wake up and try again the next day. I decide what to prioritise and leave the rest aside. I do what I can do. And that is enough. 

I’m not striving for perfection. It’s life. 

Life is messy and chaotic!!

And as far as I can see… 

Balance is overrated. 

By Katie Scoble